How do you satisfy and unsatisfiable mind? A mind that wanders from one thing to the next hoping and wishing that whatever happens to be next in the course of life will allow for a little stability and contentment, but no, it only holds my attention for a moment while I conspire an even better, bigger plan for happiness, creativity and acknowledgement.
I have kept my wandering attention span busy over the last few months, life changes, big moves and new beginnings mark what is to be a new chapter in my life. This amounts to new love, new experience, intense loss, uncertain future and aspiring dreams.
To turn a novel into a few short sentences, I've moved to NYC from SF. Trying to really live the life I have always wanted to experience for the last few years. Contemplating the future, my goals and how to truly feed my creative side through an exploration of the senses. Only sacrificing my goals for me, when I want, doing what I want, exploring how I can be a better person and if I am not a good one to begin with. It has been a long string of self-examination and exploitation to only move me to this answer.....I will never know the answer.
I am desperately and deeply involved in everything that evokes human emotion at this moment in time. I want other to feel the way I feel when I see/say/do something that makes me feel alive. (Alive being a very vague verb, meaning feeling any sort of emotion at all, pain, anguish, dispair, hope, joy, excitement being only some of those "feelings" I mentioned above.) Truly an exploration of what it means to truly be alive, from commitment to irresponsibility and strengthening new relationships and burning all ties to old ones.
Thinking about this and my blog, I feel as though I want my blog to be a realistic representation of my life. I'm not posing for the camera, this is how it is. No fancy make up or camera tricks, real raw experience. I hope that that is what I can portray....I at least need to record some small piece of this long, long journey.
